Christmas Spirits Page 7

His smile was long gone now. “I don’t know. Nathaniel came back a changed man.”

  Sadness ripped through her.

  “He couldn’t stand to be home and has been traveling since.” Benjamin pushed his fingers through his hair. “I’ve not seen him in a year. I worry about him.”

  “The demons are chasin’,” she finally said. “It’s happened with others. The memories. Guilt for livin’ when so many others died.”

  Benjamin nodded. “He seemed fine at first, but as the days stretched, Nate became more and more restless, until he up and left.”

  She knew the feeling well. After years of preparing for battles and then being a part of them, it was difficult to return home and resume her former life as if nothing had ever changed. That she hadn’t changed.

  Mary leaned forward and took Benjamin’s hands in hers. “He’ll come back. In time, he’ll come back.”

  Ben’s brown eyes met hers. “I hope so.”

  Mary let go of his hands and sat back, wishing she could ease Benjamin’s aching heart and hoping Nathaniel did return to his family.

  “Why did my brother transfer?” Benjamin asked after some moments.

  “He got into a terrible row with my husband, if ye must ken.” She grinned. “Neither would tell me what it was about, but within a day, Nate was gone.” She sighed. “I missed him. He was a good man.”

  Chapter 12

  Ben studied Mary. They may not have told her what the row was about, but Ben could guess. Nate could never resist a beautiful woman. Perhaps he’d been overly friendly and Mary’s husband didn’t like it. Nate would never go so far as to seduce another gentleman’s wife, but he saw no harm in flirtation. The major probably had enough and got rid of him.

  “Were you and my brother close?” He needed to know. Was it mild flirtation or more? And he wanted to know more about Nate’s life then.

  “We visited, as I did with many of the men.” She smiled. “He was happy, for the most part, and outrageous in his flirtations.”

  “That does not surprise me,” Ben said dryly. Now he was convinced he knew why the major had gotten rid of him.

  “He was helpful too. Many of them were.”

  “How so?”

  “Helpin’ carry the laundry from the river and streams. Haulin’ buckets of water for us.”

  “Us?”

  “The other wives and me.”

  That sounded much like his brother.

  “He liked my cooking as well.” She smiled at the memory. “Said he wished he’d met me before my husband.” She laughed quietly and turned to look out the window.

  Had Nate been in love with Mary? He seemed to have done quite a lot for her when it wasn’t required.

  Benjamin studied her profile. So perfect with the way the sun shone on her face through the window.

  If Nate knew Mary was a widow, would he return home?

  His gut tightened. Of course he wanted his brother back, but would it be because Mary was free? And would she return Nate’s affection? They had a history. She thought fondly of Nate. Could he stand to watch the two of them happy? She deserved happiness and a man who loved her. But Ben wanted that man to be him, not his brother. Yet, if it brought his brother home...

  Unless Ben somehow managed to marry her first. But if Nate was in love with her, he might leave again, and that would never do.

  No, Nate deserved love and happiness more than Ben. If he wished to be with Mary and her with him, Ben would not stand in the way. But first, he’d need to write to his brother and hope somebody knew his location.

  * * *

  It was good to think of the happier times, and the soldiers she’d come to know. She should have made the connection between Benjamin and Nate. Many of their features were similar, but it never occurred to her that they were brothers.

  Ah, she remembered the stories Nate had told her of his family and the ones she had shared of her own. So often they walked in the evenings and simply talked. The world disappeared and she nearly forgot she was with a regiment in the middle of France, or wherever they happened to be. Most of the time she wasn’t aware they’d even moved from one country to the next. But Nate and a few others made the more difficult times easy.

  He’d been a good friend and she missed him.

  Mary looked over to Ben, another gentlemen she’d like to think of as friend. Yes, she had hoped for more, but it was not to be and it made her heart ache all the more. After her husband was gone, Mary hadn’t wanted anyone. She knew several soldiers, and many offered for her, even a few of the Scots Fusilier Guards as they traveled home. But Mary had no desire to be married again. Besides, they were not asking out of love. She was familiar and they got on well. Many of them had homes they needed someone to tend. And as much as she wished for a home of her own, she didn’t want to be a wife to a man who didn’t love her.

  Benjamin was the first gentleman who made her wish for marriage, home and children again. A wish she must suppress because it would never be. Fine gentlemen like Benjamin Storm, Earl of Kenley, did not marry women like her.

  “He spoke of ye, and the rest of his family.”

  Benjamin smiled. “I hope they were tales I wouldn’t mind others knowing.”

  She laughed. “I’m sure there were a few that ye’d rather he didn’t tell me.”

  “I’m almost afraid to ask.” His face grew a bit pink and an easiness settled around them, each sharing stories of their families and childhood.

  By the time they pulled into the coaching inn that night, Mary had laughed more than she probably had since she returned home. It felt good and she was genuinely happy, and very glad she’d encountered Benjamin.

  She waited while he went inside and returned to advise her there was only one room. It was what she’d hoped for. Even if he could never be hers, she’d still have one more night of sleeping in his arms.

  Chapter 13

  It was wrong of him to be glad there was only one room. But Ben couldn’t be happier. One more night with Mary. Tomorrow was the ball and he’d be sending a letter to his brother, hoping somebody knew where Nate was. He was certain Danby knew and as soon as he had a moment alone with His Grace and explained what he believed, that Nate and Mary should be married, the duke would see that Nate was returned home immediately. Nate might ignore Ben’s requests, but he wouldn’t ignore Danby’s.

  “We should arrive at Danby Castle tomorrow afternoon.”

  Mary nodded. “Would it be possible to bathe this evening or in the morning and wash my hair?” Her face turned crimson. “I’ve been on the road for days and doona wish to see His Grace in this state.”

  Benjamin grinned. “Of course, though there is nothing wrong with your appearance.”

  Sadness flickered in her eyes. “Ye are very kind, Benjamin.”

  He was not being kind but speaking the truth.

  They retired much as they had the nights before, except this time Benjamin lay awake. As soon as he was certain Mary was in a deep sleep, he rolled towards her and wrapped her in his arms. Her hair was still damp from her bath and she had braided it down her back so that it wouldn’t tangle. Usually he enjoyed the scent of her hair, but with it braided, the soft, delicate curve of her neck was exposed and it took everything in his power not to place a kiss upon her skin.

  Instead, he closed his eyes and reminded himself that Mary didn’t belong to him and probably never would. She was meant for Nate.

  When he woke, sunlight was streaming into the room and he was alone in the bed. He sat up and glanced about to find Mary sitting in a chair already dressed for the day. Thank goodness she was no longer wearing the same black gown, but clothed in a modest, charcoal gray one. She was watching him, the pistol on her lap.

  “Ye are lucky I dinna shoot ye, Benjamin.”

  “What? Why?”

  “When I woke ye were touchin’ me.”

  His face heated. He didn’t deny the fact, and he couldn’t blame it on sleep since he’d intentionally pulled her clos
e.

  He studied her further. Mary wasn’t angry. Her lips were firm, but mischief danced in her eyes.

  “It’s a good thin’ I like ye, and doona think it appropriate for ye to die on Christmas Eve.”

  Ben blew out a sigh of relief. He’d hate for her to suddenly dislike or distrust him after spending so many days together.

  “I shall leave ye to prepare for the day.” She stood and pocketed her pistol.

  * * *

  The coach began to slow and Mary’s gut tightened. All she needed to do was deliver the whisky, put her male clothing back on and drive the wagon back to Falkirk. It was for the best. And hopefully, with each mile she put behind her, memories of Benjamin would fade from her mind.

  The castle loomed before them as the coach rolled to a stop. After the footman opened the door, Benjamin helped her step from the carriage. Two gentlemen stood in the shadows but came forward. As they stepped into the sunlight she recognized them immediately and was about to give one of them a piece of her mind when the other spoke.

  “Who passed?”

  “My Uncle Barley. He was mashed.” Perhaps it was because they arrived without incident, she wasn’t sure, but Mary couldn’t help but giggle at her joke.

  “Mary!” Lachlan exclaimed. “Why dinna Ian or Magnus bring our uncle?”

  She quickly explained and his eyes grew dark. “I’m sorry. Was it a difficult trip?”

  “Nay. Just unusual.” She linked her arm with her brother’s, turned to Benjamin and quickly made the introductions, only to learn that the two were already acquainted and that John Trent, Lachlan’s brother-in-law also already knew Benjamin.

  “Our mother and the others are inside,” Lachlan said.

  Mary took a step back. “Mother? Why? How did she get here?”

  “She told me ye preferred to remain at home. She never told me ye were deliverin’ the whisky.”

  Another carriage pulled into the long drive.

  “We should probably deliver Uncle Barley around back before anyone becomes alarmed,” John said before giving direction to Gaylord.

  “She must have left right after me,” Mary mused, though she had no idea her mother and family even planned on coming to the castle.

  “Well, at least we will all be together for Christmas.”

  “Maddie is with ye?”

  “Yes.”

  Her heart warmed. She hadn’t yet seen her newest niece and would take time to do just that before leaving. “I am no’ stayin’, Lachlan. Surely ye ken I canna.”

  His face hardened, like it so often did when she wished to avoid people. “I ken no such thin’. Ye are stayin’.” With that, he practically pushed her through the door.

  “Thank heavens ye made it,” her mother gushed coming forward. “I was beginnin’ to fear something had happened.”

  “Mother, what are ye doin’ here?”

  “Well, dear, we did receive an invitation to the ball. I kept it from ye because I kenned ye wouldna wish to attend but insist the rest of us do so. As I would not be parted from ye at Christmas, I decided to decline the offer. Then, well, ye insisted on deliverin’ the whisky yourself…”

  “I should have known there was more to this when ye barely offered an objection.”

  Her mother’s face colored. Why hadn’t she realized it before now? Her mother never allowed her to make deliveries. It was too dangerous and she constantly reminded Mary that she was a lady, not a soldier. Mary had just assumed that because the whisky was for the Duke of Danby, her mother knew the importance of seeing it done.

  She turned on her brother. “And ye? Ye couldna come home to help with deliveries yet ye can attend a ball?”

  “It is but a short distance,” he argued. “Besides, I couldna ignore this missive from His Grace. I only received it three days ago. I had no idea there was an issue with his delivery,” Lachlan defended.

  This was all too much. She was not going to stand in the middle of the foyer of Danby Castle and argue with both her mother and brother, even if she were thoroughly vexed with them at the moment. She had to get out of here. There were people everywhere. She couldn’t take the pitying stares. Not now. Not when her heart ached for Benjamin.

  “Come along, dear.” Her mother linked her arm with Mary’s. “Let’s get ye upstairs and settled.”

  Chapter 14

  Were all of Mary’s siblings at the castle? After listening to her stories yesterday, Ben would like to meet them.

  “I’ve brought a gown that ye’ll be comfortable in,” Mrs. Grant was saying quietly.

  At least he’d have tonight and, for a short bit, pretend she was his.

  “What do ye mean, comfortable?” Brachton narrowed his eyes on his mother.

  Ben had assumed it meant something that fit, unlike her widow’s weeds, her current dress or the men’s trousers since they had all been a bit large for her, and covered far too much skin.

  “Ye ken,” Mrs. Grant said quietly. “The one that comes to her chin.” Then she faced her daughter and began messing with her hair. “If we arrange it just so, we should be able to hide most of the damage and maybe people willna stare.”

  Then it hit him. Her mother wished to hide Mary’s scar. He hadn’t even noticed it after she told him how it came about. “You will do no such thing.”

  The family turned and stared at him.

  “Please, Benjamin,” Mary whispered as her eyes filled with tears.

  “No. Is this why you don’t wish to go to the ball, to be around people?”

  Her chin dropped to her chest. “It makes others uncomfortable.”

  “Because of a thin line?”

  She didn’t say anything.

  Ben lifted her chin and stared into those pain-filled, blue eyes, his heart aching for her. Had she had to listen to these disparaging comments from her mother since she returned home? No wonder she insisted on wearing that blasted hat and veil in public. “You will not hide that scar,” he insisted. “Besides being barely noticeable, it is a sign of your courage and bravery. You’ve done what many men would not. Wear it with honor, Mary. Do not hide it.”

  Her eyes grew wide and her mouth opened, as if stunned.

  “But people will stare,” Mrs. Grant whispered.

  Ben shot her a look. “Let them.”

  “Hello, brother.”

  Ben jerked and then turned. Lounging in the doorway was his brother, Nathaniel. Ben’s heart lodged in his throat. His time with Mary was done and he wasn’t ready to let her go. He never would be.

  * * *

  He didn’t wish for her to hide her scar? She should display it like a badge of honor? Had Ben lost his mind? It was far more than a thin line. She had eyes in her head. She’d seen it after the bandages were removed. As usual, Ben was just being kind.

  As he turned toward the voice, so did she. Nate had returned. A smile pulled at her lips. All would be well now. Ben had his brother back and hopefully, Nate had finally faced his demons. He looked well.

  “Nathaniel,” Ben said and went forward, meeting his brother halfway before they embraced. It warmed her heart to see the two of them together.

  “How have you been?” he finally asked.

  “I was doing well until our great-uncle threatened to do irreparable harm if I did not return for Christmas.”

  The brothers laughed.

  Nate looked up, meeting Mary’s eyes. “And you’ve brought a very special lady with you, I see.”

  “How are ye, Captain Storm?”

  “Nate isn’t good enough anymore?” He winked at her.

  Her face heated. Nate Storm would always be a flirt, if not a bit of a rogue. It was one of the things she adored about him. “We are in yer great-uncle’s home.”

  He grinned and shook his head. “It is good to see you again, Mary.” He came forward, taking her hands in his and bent to kiss her cheek. “When I think of those dark days, you are the one thing that shines that I can hold onto. To remind me that there is still goodne
ss in the world.”

  “It is good to see ye, as well.” Tears misted her eyes and she quickly swept them away. “Ye’re part of some of my happier memories as well.”

  Nate looked her over from head to toe. “Are you are still mourning, the bast…”

  Mary narrowed her eyes on Nate and he didn’t finish his sentence. “There is a reason for dressing this way, which I don’t think should be explained where so many can hear.”

  “As long as it isn’t for him.”

  Nate hated her husband, and she was very much aware of why. However, she didn’t need those reasons announced, nor was it anyone’s business. It was the past and should remain there.

  “Save a waltz for me.”

  “I’m not sure I should attend.”

  “Did you not listen to my older and wiser brother?” Nate grinned. “I’ve never seen you dressed in fine clothing, Mary.”

  “Aye, but ye imagined it. We attended some fine balls once upon a time.” The more she stood with Nate Storm, the more she remembered the many times they’d talked, wondering who was attending balls back home, not that she really knew anyone, but he painted lovely pictures.

  “And you were always in lavender.”

  “Aye,” she whispered. For some reason Nate always insisted she would be wearing a lavender gown and be the one whose dance card filled the quickest.

  It was all very silly, of course, but it helped to pass those long, dark and cold evenings when it was nearly impossible to sleep.

  “I’ve missed you, Mary.”

  “And I, ye, Nate.”

  “Good, everyone has arrived,” the Duke of Danby announced as he came into the foyer brandishing his cane. “John, find a suitable ball gown for Mrs. Soares.”

  “Your Grace, I brought my daughter an appropriate gown,” her mother insisted.

  “Bah. You’d cover her in sackcloth. Did you not hear what Kenley said?” He turned to John. “I’m sure someone in this house is about her size. Get a dress.” John nodded and went off toward the voices coming from further way.