Rattle Box Page 8
It’s all I’ve ever wanted, but I’m not celebrating. Not when it caused my mom so much pain. “Thanks, but she might not want to.” I can’t assume my birth mom wants to be my teacher. She rejected me because of who I was before, but that still doesn’t mean she’d want me as a student.
Mom blows out a sigh and turns. “What do you say, Kelsey? Do you want to teach Madison?”
“Nothing would make me happier.”
Oh crap, now my birth mom is about to cry. No wonder the guys went upstairs. They probably anticipated this.
“So, how does this work?” my mom asks. “An hour lesson once a week?”
I can’t believe I’m actually going to get to work with Mrs. Dosek and that she is my birth mom.
“That depends,” Kelsey says slowly. “What are the goals? Just to learn to play, win competitions or get into the right college to pursue a career in music?” She’s asking my mom and not me. I know Mom doesn’t want it to be my career no matter how much I’ve tried to convince her.
“Madison wants it as a career, but I’ve been discouraging her.”
Kelsey nods, like she is just an instructor finding out what she needs to teach.
“It’s a tough road. She could graduate with a music degree, but what if she can’t find work?” Mom continues. “She’ll just be another waitress in New York among other wait staff that pursued acting, dance and music but never got a job.”
It’s so nice she has so much confidence in my talent and skills. Most parents think their kids are the most talented kids on the planet. Except mine.
“I agree,” Kelsey says.
She’s agreeing with my mom?
“It is tough, and sometimes it just comes down to being in the right place at the right time,” Kelsey adds.
I thought Kelsey, more than anyone, would get it and support me. Me and her against Mom. At least, that was what I was hoping for.
“But there is more you can do with a music degree than performance or composing.”
Maybe she is on my side after all. Not that I want to do anything else but compose and play.
“Like what?” Mom asks.
I am completely being left out of this conversation. Even if I did try to speak, they’d probably ignore me.
With a huff, I fall back into a chair. Why should I have any say in my future anyway?
“First, because Madison will graduate with either a BA or MA, she’ll be able to be an accompanist for any number of places, work in a music store, audio editing, private lessons, or music publishing. If she wants to get an education degree, she can teach. If she follows up with psychology, she would work toward music therapy. She can play in the pit for any number of musicals or in a studio.” Then she smiles. “Or, she can be a waitress.”
They can talk about my options all they want, but my dreams are to compose. That Kelsey did not mention, but I will make it happen.
Mom looks over at me and then takes a breath. “Her dream is to get into Juilliard. It’s the top of her list of schools.”
She might really be considering this. I sit forward. “Actually, my dream school is Indiana University Jacobs School of Music.”
Kelsey whips her head around. “But that’s so far away.”
Why does she care? She hasn’t exactly spent time with me since I was born, other than a few minutes in an elevator that I don’t remember.
“It’s a good school,” I tell her.
“It’s an excellent school,” Kelsey agrees. “But, so far away.”
Mom takes a seat next to me. “Consider staying in New York, Madison. Kelsey is one of the reasons I wanted you to stay close to home. I knew that once you met her that you’d want to spend more time with her. Get to know her, and you can’t do that if you are in Indiana nine months out of the year.”
“That is why you practically had a heart attack when I was looking at places like Rochester even.”
She just nods. The sadness is in her eyes, but it isn’t as bad as when she was crying.
“Okay, I’ll look at the schools around here, but I’m not changing my dreams or my focus.”
“I went to a state university, Madison, and it worked out well for me.”
“You wanted to be a teacher because performing makes you throw up,” I remind her.
“Madison,” my mother starts to scold, but Kelsey laughs.
“She’s right. But, I wasn’t in a position to go to Juilliard, even if I wanted to.” Then she looks at me. “Is that your goal? Truly your goal? Because it is going to be a lot of hard work, and far more students don’t make it in than do.”
Kelsey and Mom are both staring at me. “Yes!” Did they think I’d change my mind?
Mom blows out a deep sigh, as if defeated. “Very well then. Enough lessons so she has a shot at Juilliard.”
Jubilation shoots through me, and I jump from my seat and hug Mom. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.”
She just chuckles and pulls back. “It’s going to be hard work. If you don’t think you can do it, it’s okay to change your mind.”
For once, I’d love for her not to always be so cautious. “I’ll practice until my fingers bleed. I promise.”
“What about the violin and cello?” Kelsey asks me.
“Those are just for orchestra. I’ve never really competed. I thought I should concentrate on one instrument.”
Kelsey purses her lips in thought. “What chair?”
“First in cello, third in violin.”
She nods. “If you really want to make an impact on Juilliard, why not prepare to audition all three?”
My eyes pop open.
“You want to play and compose, I get that, but three instruments is more appealing than one.”
I look at Mom who is all worried again.
“We can’t afford all of those lessons.”
Kelsey smiles. “You won’t need to. I’m sure my friend Kate will take her on.”
“Kate? The friend from high school that you wrote about?”
“Yep.”
“How much time will all of this take?” Mom is really worried. “She does have high school studies. She can’t spend all of her time with her instruments.”
“She won’t,” Kelsey says. “Of course she’ll have to practice, a lot, if she’s serious, but schoolwork is important too.” She delivers that warning to me.
“I’ll work with Madison twice a week for an hour and a half each. We’ll start there.”
“Three hours,” Mom says.
“Yes. Three hours a week.”
“No.” Mom smiles. “Three hours per lesson.” She glances over at me. “Half of it for lessons and the other half for getting to know each other.”
Tears spring to Kelsey’s eyes, but she quickly swipes them away. “Thank you.”
“But, only if that is what Madison wants.”
If I say yes, will it hurt my mom? The one who raised me? But, after reading all of those letters, I do want to know the woman who gave birth to me. And, my younger half-brothers.
“It’s okay,” Mom says.
She does know me better than I give her credit for. “I would, if Kelsey wants to.”
Kelsey smiles as tears sparkle in her eyes. “Of course!”
“Well, then.” Mom stands. “What days would work best?”
“Let me get my calendar.”
“Thank you,” I say to my mom after Kelsey goes into her office.
“You’re welcome.”
I hate that she’s still sad, so I hug her again. “I’ll always be yours. I may get to know Kelsey, but you will always be my mom. I love you and Dad.”
She just nods and sniffs.
In time, she will realize that nobody can ever replace her.
“How about Monday and Thursday at six in the evening?” Kelsey asks, coming back into the music room.
“Perfect!” Mom and I say at the same time.
The front door slams open and I jump.
“Mom!” a little boy
yells as he enters.
“What did we say about the doors?” Mr. Dosek is coming down the stairs. Behind him is my dad.
“But, Uncle Dylan…” Liam trails off as he looks at my dad and then my mom, with a little confusion on his young face. When he looks at me his eyes go wide and a huge smile blossoms on his face. “Brandy Maddie! You’re here!”
Brandy Maddie?
He knows who I am?
He’s only like nine.
Kelsey’s face gets red. “They call you Brandy Maddie because of the two different names you were given. He called you that once, and it stuck.”
The youngest, Gabe, rushes forward, and before I can prepare, he’s wrapped his arms around my thighs and he’s hugging me.
“What are you doing here?” Ethan cries with excitement. “You’re only seventeen.”
“Mom said not before eighteen, or could be later, and you just turned seventeen,” Liam reminds me. He’s kind of suspicious but still seems happy to see me.
They know my birthday.
“Come see my room,” Gabe grabs me hand. “You can share with me.”
“She doesn’t want to share your room,” Ethan says. “She’s a girl.”
“Madison is not going to live with us,” Alex says. “She’s visiting.”
The crestfallen faces squeeze my heart. They want me. My brothers want me, and they don’t even know me.
“I have a home, but I’ll come back and visit,” I assure them. Twice a week and maybe more, if my mom allows it.
“Be right back,” Liam yells before he runs out the door again.
“Go after him, Alex.”
He gives Kelsey a wink and then heads out after the oldest.
“You look like us.” Ethan nods as if he approves.
I’m not so sure I look like them, but we all have dark hair, curly hair.
“Mom says you play the piano, just like her.” Gabe says.
“Yes, I do.” I can’t help but smile down at him. He hasn’t let go of my hand.
“Me too!” he says proudly then holds out his hands. “Long fingers.”
I put my hand next to him. “Me too!”
My heart is so overwhelmed. I wasn’t just tossed away and forgotten.
I already knew that, of course, from the letters, but I’m not a stranger to them either. My pictures are on the wall with theirs, and they know about me.
Mom is leaning against Dad, and he has an arm around her. She’s still dabbing at her eyes, but Dad is too. I’ve never seen him cry. Ever.
This can’t be easy for them. Or at least, not her. She’s been trying to hold onto me. Not just because she wasn’t ready for me to grow up, like all moms, but because she was afraid she’d lose me to another family.
That won’t happen, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t want this family too.
“Want to play a game?” Gabe asks.
I get down at eye level with him. “I’m sorry, I can’t right now.”
His excitement slips away, and it kills me to disappointment him.
“But, I’ll be back next week. Maybe we can play then?”
With that, his smile is back. I’ve never had a sibling want to spend time like that with me. Maybe when I was little, but that was a long time ago. I was a pain to my older brothers and sister, and my younger siblings are a pain to me. I don’t think I’ll ever think of these little boys as pains.
“We probably should go, Madison,” my mom says.
I’m not ready to leave yet. I want to spend more time with Kelsey and my brothers, but if I say that, I might hurt my mom, and this has already been a hard day for her.
“I’ll see you next week,” I tell Gabe and then stand.
Ethan gives me a hug as I walk to the door. The only person in the room who hasn’t hugged me is Kelsey, and I haven’t hugged her. We aren’t there yet, but I want to.
“I’m glad you came, Madison,” she says, her eyes misting again.
“Me too!”
“Monday?”
“Monday.” I walk to my parents who are waiting and turn back to look one last time. The piano is behind her, and even though the lessons have been so important to me before, they are only secondary now.
I can’t just walk out like this, so I rush back to Kelsey to hug her.
Her arms come around me, and she pulls me tight. She shudders as a sob breaks.
I can’t control my own shaking as the tears come. Like a dam has broken loose, and we stand there holding each other, crying. I know her journey and her pain. I read her letters and the love she poured out in those is now being poured out to me.
“Thank you,” I say when I can finally talk. “You chose really well.” She did find me the perfect family.
Kelsey sniffs and pulls back. “You don’t hate me.”
The worry and fear are in her eyes.
“No. I get it. I really do.”
Tears stream down her face, and my cheeks are wet too.
Ethan grabs a box of tissues and shoves them at us. “Girls!” He’s a bit disgusted.
We both chuckle at that as we wipe our eyes.
“I’ve got Uncle Ryan,” Liam calls as he launches himself in the room.
A guy about the age of Alex follows Liam in to the room. He’s carrying a camera, and I can’t help but smile. Ryan was taking pictures of me before I was born. Or, at least Kelsey’s belly while she carried me.
“Come on,” Liam pulls on Alex’s hand.
“What are you doing?” Kelsey asks.
“A real family picture!” Liam announces as if it’s obvious. “With all of us.”
Before I know it, the boys are surrounding me, and Kelsey is at my side. Alex is on her other side, and Ryan is pointing the camera at us. I probably look like shit from crying, but I don’t care. I want a picture of this day, when all the pieces of my life fell into place.
More
Dear Readers,
Thank you for reading THE RATTLE BOX. For more Dylan’s story, watch for RATTLE HIS CAGE, available in November, 2016.
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About Jane Charles
Jane Charles is a USA Today Bestselling author who has lived in the Midwest her entire life. As a child she would more likely be found outside with a baseball than a book in her hand. In fact, Jane hated reading until she was sixteen. Out of boredom on a long road trip she borrowed her older sister’s historical romance and fell in love. Eventually she penned one of the many stories that were always in her head and discovered her passion for writing. Jane is an author of both historical and contemporary and blames being a Gemini on why she can’t pick one over the other.
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Jane Charles’s New Adult Romance
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Still Rattled: Rattled #2 (Baxter Boys Series ~ Rattled)
The Rattle Box: Rattled #3 (Baxter Boys Series ~ Rattled)
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Colors of You: The Academy #1 (Baxter Academy Series ~ The Academy)
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Between the Lines: The Academy #4 (Baxter Academy Series ~ The Academy)
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A Misguided Lord
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Lady Disguised
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Ghosts From the Past
A Gentleman’s Guide to Once Upon a Time
His Impetuous Debutante
His Contrary Bride
His Not So Sensible Miss
His Christmas Match
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